There are not many things you’ll experience in life as painful as your partner cheating on you. There are ways to deal with the pain of infidelity if you choose to forgive it. Right now, the pain you’re feeling is probably overwhelming. Believe it or not, there advantages to forgiving someone who’s cheated on you, even though forgiveness might not seem to make much sense right now. There are many good reasons for you to take this extraordinary step, but the most important should be that you’re doing it for yourself. It’s just as important to your own happiness and well-being that you be able to forgive your boyfriend and rebuild the relationship. Forgiving infidelity, though, is something that you do only once with a boyfriend – make it clear that there are no third chances.  If he’s cheated before, and has now cheated again, you know he’s going to do it again.  Get on with your life without him. If he’s really sincere about rebuilding the relationship, then try these five steps:

Healing Infidelity Tip #1

The first step is to discuss his cheating with him. You’ve got to find out the real reason underlying his betrayal, which is why, no matter how hard it is to talk about, you’ve got to do it. Perhaps he thought that your feelings for him had cooled down, or maybe he just had a crisis of self-confidence. When he explains himself, don’t be accusatory and judgmental – you already know he’s weak, and now he’s confirming it.  Why kick him when he’s down? You’ll be able to judge the depth of his sincerity and remorse during this conversation, which is the other reason you can’t skip it.

Healing Infidelity Tip #2

The second step is to let your feelings out. Right now, you probably feel all sorts of emotions bottled up inside you. Express your emotions, let them out, but don’t harm yourself in the process. Drugs and alcohol, fir example, are self-destructive approaches to handling emotional crises, and should be avoided. There are healthy ways to express your pain. An excellent outlet is to get involved in physical fitness and establish a workout routine for yourself.  Alternately, you could start a journal and write in it daily. You’ve got to do something, though, to express your emotions – storing them up inside you is decidedly not good for you. Even crying is a good option – as long as you let go of them. You cannot move on – you cannot restore the relationship – if you haven’t healed yourself.

Healing Infidelity Tip #3

The third step is making the actual choice to forgive him for betraying you. You already decided that you want to forgive him – now’s the time to do it. It’s time to put the past behind you.  You made your choice, now forgive him. Some idiot once said “Love means never having to say you’re sorry.” While that’s doubtful, there’s no doubt that love confers the power to say “I forgive you.”

Healing Infidelity Tip #4

The fourth step is to consult with a mental health professional. Your relationship needs some professional help, and that means each of you should talk with a counselor. An alternative would be to sit down together with a trusted friend, someone who’s been through what you’re going through. Of course, this will also require some hard work.  Remember especially to keep an open mind and listen to what he has to say. You’ve already been all through the recriminations and accusations – now’s the time to listen to each other.  Really. You can’t rescue the relationship yourself, and he certainly can’t do it on his own.  It needs the two of your working together.

Healing Infidelity Tip #5

The fifth and final step is to acknowledge that what’s done is done.  Put it behind you and move on. The kind of pain caused by infidelity can be massive.  It takes time to heal with both of you working on it. The pain caused by his cheating isn’t going to be healed overnight, especially for you. The healing will come faster, though, if you can look forward and do your best to let go of the past.

For the sake of your relationship, I certainly hope that the steps I’ve outlined here can help you heal the pain of infidelity. No matter how hard we try, we all make mistakes. More important, though, is learning and growing from the bad experiences we go through.

If you found these tips helpful also check out: forgive an affair and healing infidelity.

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